Its been almost a month since I last made contact with you
Usually it would be like Hell, but this time, the lack of contact was okay to go through
I cant believe that I had thoughts last year, where I wanted to be with you so much and so badly, that I was thinking I could die for you
My friend, it has been a long way going and a long way coming back
I kept saying “no I don’t like you that way anymore” using that as a diversionary attack
My feelings were not controlled, it was all pitiful and it was just my emotions in tragic
I just had too much Oxytocin in my blood sugar especially for that hot sex magik
It was last January when I first started liking you, I remember wanting to be your girlfriend
I was so excited, you made my heart become overjoyed and you influenced me so much, I really thought we befriend
Hey you babe, you inspired me to write poetry, something I have never done in five years, and I do truly thank you for that
However, its just unfortunate that when I lost you, I lost my motivation to write, it just became something I chipped away at
Laughing Out Loud, I remember one time I became so sick to my stomach from crying over you that I wanted to hurl
Because all along you were just using me, all along you were just breaking the girl
LOL it kind of felt as if I was singled out, like disproportionate representation
It was all fake, never real like in Hollywood, like californication
Its getting on my nerves right now as Im doing this, cuz I don’t ever want to visit this again
Would it mean I’m over you, over the whole situation, if writing about it still causes a little pain?
I just want to get away from it for good just like you did, I need to book a flight too on the Aeroplane
You said at a point of time you had feelings for me, that’s something you have, but not me to reminisce
Perhaps I guess at those times that’s when you suck my kiss
Even when you told me you wanted to ‘opt out of the friendship’, I still had feelings at that time where they just cant stop
I kept denying they that they were still there, I tried to fool the both of us, it wasn’t a success at trying to have them blocked
And really Joseph, all along I kept asking and begging you “Why”, to just tell me baby
It took you months to finally tell me, where you just being stubborn, wanted to see me suffer…maybe
I see the devastating mistake I chose to make, how wrong it is to give it away
Because if I wouldn’t had done that, losing you as a friend wouldn’t have been a price I had to pay
But you always claimed that we were really never friends to begin with, and continued to say the reason why we couldn’t be friends was due to the fact that I took you virginity
I don’t understand you saying ‘we were never really were friends to begin with’, and you still continued to lie about that part. But I wished you well before I said goodbye and asked you to don’t forget me.
For the longest time I was missing you,
Now I’m better, and would be pissed to ever see you again because though, Im still left with some scar tissue
It is just so frustrating what happened, and to recall all this here and now; you said you hate me and to me that made me feel as if you wanted me to die
All I wanted was honesty and for you to show and give me in return what I gave to you, all I ever wanted to see was your otherside
Every time you confronted me about my feelings for you, I pushed them aside because I was in denial
However, even with coming clean to you, you still played games with me (for the longest), and you just left me with a desecration smile
Finally though, you did tell me what your only purpose was, which was to use me, and in fact you were just leading me along
(Track four, the zephyr song)
Yes, I was just fronting about giving you your CD back, but whatever I could do or say to see you or contact you again is just what I wanted. (I still have it.) I never wanted our ‘friendship’ to become adverse
Only if I could put you in my place when all of this was going down, how’s that for your parallel universe
Forget about asking yourself ‘why the fuck are you writing about this, me, and you’re over me?’ (which I know you don’t give a damn and you’re not questioning shit). But I just wanted to say open up, just to publish something on my blog, that I am over you, by the way
So there is really nothing much left to say
Do I think about you from time to time, well yeah
Will I ever want you be your ‘friend’ again, well no
I lost myself in you by giving you all of me and not controlling my feelings, resulting in falling in love, all along I don’t think either one of us seen how delicate this was, we just the lost our gripping
I remember that night in Royal Oak when we were together, lol that was our little road trippin
I would have given you everything you could ever want, need and ask for, we would have been around the world
Its just too bad you couldn’t see me as a real person, someone as a good friend, someone, because of your animalistic needs, as one you could make your girl
It came to a dead end, broken down is what has became of our ridge
I know Im going to end up in a good place from all of this, for you, perhaps maybe under the bridge