My Life is Scary

The scary thing about me is reading my blog The ups and down, ups and downs, and Im still in a clog As i look back i see how hurt and damaged I am The pains goes, the pain comes, back-n-forth, and its just all my life Ive been in a jam To see my mind go from strong to weak, to strong to weak, now im broken again Im so messed up, but why, its just pain going out and in again I am so lost and i feel like my mind is gone I just want all of this to end and to no longer go on Its scary because some things I have said seem to be I put a curse on myself because what I have said And it would have been my very own fault if I ever had ended up dead Even though I was just expressing how I felt I had to let go of those things, to talk it out, even though it was heartfelt My mind is jut so completly numb I look back over my life and I dont like what I've become My mind is just ruined and weak No matter what I do or try, my furtue still looks bleak And it's scary because I dont want my life to end, like its always been; Dark, empty, and painfull is what I've always been in And I try my best to have sucess But i always go to the one who knows best I cant hear him, so im still afraid My mind is smushed and Ive been dealing with this for over a decade Im just so empty inside, its like i have no feelings I feel like my insides are just,..im empty and nothing happens when im in a position of kneeling Im just gone and Im just done, I NEED GOD TO REVIVE ME IM DEAD INSIDE, i have no feeling, im empty and im scared..all of this is scary It's easy for other people to say "oh just snap out of it" But it's just not that easy, its a lifetime of this, i tried to fight it, but it wont quit His lies are so loud and so continuos that I cant keep up I cant drown them out no matter what I say, I try but I cant get them to shut How long do i still have to fight and continue to get beat up No matter what I do Im always in this rut So my life is scary because im just so undone inside To God i tell all of this and i just continue to cry