Snake No More: (The Snake in the Grass Part II)

It's been two years since she has written about the snake in the grass. It's been five years since it all began, and it continues. Now 2012, she has realized she was wrong. He never was a snake in the grass, she just didn't know who she was messing around with. He is indeed a player, so he does what he do. She didn't know or understand, she was just one of his pieces. She can't blame him or fault him for what she didn't see and couldn't understand; but now she does see it. Five years having sex with him, she's thinking; 'okay is this going to be it?' But it really didn't matter to her then. Now, things are much much different.


During these several years, she has always found herself falling in-and-out of love with him. The more they'd saw each other, the more she would fall for him. The less time they'd spend time together, the less she would feel for him. Now, its simple, she just loves this man. She loves a player and she doesn't know what to do. She's torn inside. She cares about him, but she's not sure if he does. She asked him once and he never ever responded to her. She let some time go by and asked him why doesn't he care about her and she never ever got a response from that either. We all know what silence means. She's torn because she's isn't sure if he wants her for more than just sex. She asks, and asks but she gets told to "relax". In her mind she's thinking; 'why is he keeping me around if he sees I want more and he doesn't? Why not just let me go? Is the sex that good to where he can't quit me?'; but he has plenty of other women out there he has sex with'. But she knows she would be devastated if he was to quit her, she doesn't want him to. All she wants is that chance. She has never given up hope to be with him. She wants him. She wants him, She thinks about him every day. She gives him things. She shows concern and care for him. She told him she loves him. She inconvenience her family, drop everything she's doing just to go to him when he sends for her. She wants to buy him all the things he wants. She wants to buy him that condo, but she's afraid to make that life decision because she's afraid of being stuck with a home she bought for him if they will never be together. She would do anything for this man. But she never remembers that he's a player... That's because she doesn't see him as one!

She loves a player. This makes her feel afraid and disappointed. Afraid because what player settles down and commit. Afraid because she feels he could possible keep this all going for another five years; (which her heart cannot afford). Afraid because she fears she will never ever get what she wants. She's disappointed because she asks herself how could she allowed this to happen. She's disappointed because she hadn't put her foot down before. Disappointed because she never really knew how to demand respect, learned how to say no and always having trouble keeping her legs closed. But she still loves him nonetheless. She calls herself foolish because she wants to be with a player. She doesn't even like calling him such! This woman doesn't know how to let go and she's paying the price.

This woman cries over him. She wish she could be strong, and she's working on that. And she is a whole lot better. But she cries because of the fears. She cries because all she wants, she needs, a definitive answer and she's not getting one. (She doesn't know what to do). Her heart needs to know what to do, meanwhile it's being held hostage to just having sex with him. She has feelings for him but she continues to cry because she just don't know what to do or how to do it. She has begged God to please either tell her how to leave for good; remove him from her heart, or show her what to do. She has prayed for him. She didn't know what else to do after he kicked her out of his apartment. She has never felt that hurt in years. He asked if she was mad, no; she was sadden prone to tears, but she couldn't cry in front of him. The way he made her feel when he kicked her out is beyond any words describing hurt and pain can describe. They say what goes around comes around, but she prayed that he will never ever have to feel the way he made her feel when he did that to her. And even with that, she continued and continues to go back to him, keeping hope that something can or will change. (What has her so sadden: she tells him over and over how she feels, what she wants, this and that, and most of the time he says nothing. He just never calls her, text her, email her, write back to her, give in return the things she would send him; this should tell her he's not interested. He only contacts her when he wants to fuck her. He only contacts her when he wants some pleasure. That's the player! He admitted to her that he's selfish, so shouldn't that tell her she's not going to get what she wants from him. He told her not responding to her is him being selfish, so why does she continue to have hope that something can still be different. The only thing she gets in return is the unspeakable pleasure she receives when having sex with him). She's surprised that God has still been so good to her and continues to bless her even when she continues to do the wrong thing. She has put more fear in letting this man go, than more Faith in God that he'll bless her with a man that would actually care about her, love her, respect her, and would actually want to be with her, because she wants that chance, because she still has that hope. She loves this man, but she is beginning to change, perhaps she's starting to see some light. Maybe it's God making a way for whatever is about to happen.

The sex with this man is like none she has ever had before. She get butterflies every time she thinks about sex with him. It's the greatest and best that she has ever had. She thinks how can it be so great each and every single time they get together. He satisfies her sexually, he makes her feel so good. He makes her feel like a natural good woman. Oh, she would be so good to him! She already is! She wants to please him in every way he likes it, however, she is still a little bit inexperienced in some things, that's why she's so self-conscious. His sex is great, there's no doubt about that. (But that's not all she wants from him). One sexual thing she wants from him is intimacy. She's a grown woman and she has needs as well. She kisses his feet, massages his back, rub his body, she does for him. Honestly, even with getting the hot hot great sex, is it too much to ask for some of those same small pleasures in bed too? She wants him to rub on her. She wants him to play with her. Play with her in between her legs, the back side, it doesn't matter. She wants him to grab and suck on her breasts. She wants him to just get on top of her and kiss her, kiss her neck, make out with her.. Hold her hands, lay and rub on her. Something, anything! Sometimes though, she thinks in the back of her mind that he's not all that sexually attracted to her (or maybe not even a little at all in general); but she doesn't blame him. However, she thinks she's beautiful. She always said he's a REAL nigga because he fucks her anyway regardless of how she looks, she likes that about him. She thinks that's why they haven't done all the BDSM things, because of the way her body is. And honestly, she would rather have her body the way she wants it before they fully participate in that. She's working on it because she wants it bad. She trusts him in the bedroom. She craves the bdsm with him. She's thinks she's ready for his marathon, she hopes she can take it all. She's afraid of disappointing him sexually. She can't help but to think that he's waiting on something. Like he's waiting on her to do something. If it's the body thing, then consider it a done deal. She'll do whatever he needs her to do. She would just ask for is support. If not the body thing, then what? If anything at all. But all will be ok.

She doesn't really understand why she wants to be with him. Well, she loves him. She wants to be with him again. She wants him to care about her, care what she thinks, care what she feels, care what she wants. She wants him to have the same feelings, but if he doesn't, something is going to have to happen. But he just doesn't; he don't care. People ask her why she wants to be with someone that disrespects her and treats her bad. He questioned the same thing, he questioned how is he that way toward her. He disrespects her when he kicks her out. He disrespects her when he lies to her. He disrespects her when he uses her, having her come over to please him but he gives her nothing in return, knowing she wants sex with him. But she guess that's just him being the player that he is. Stupid and foolish. Getting what he wants from a hoe. She doesn't see herself as one. He's the only one she fucks with. That's why he disrespects her, he thinks low of her; little of her, if anything at all. Kicking her out is treating her bad. Disrespecting her in these ways is treating her bad. So why does she want him? The hope she has.

She's going to sit back and just enjoy life. Whatever this man is going to do, she's going to let him. She respects this man and looks up to him. But she wonders if she's wrong about something. She knows each man has his own way of how he wants a woman to treat him, what he wants her to do and a certain way. He's not telling her any of that. She doesn't know if she's a bother to him. If she irritates him. She just wants to know if she's doing right. So she doesn't know rather to back off or keep doing what she's doing. But as she said, she will sit back, and maybe he'll teach her something. Just as long as he remembers her love for him. God forbid if he was to lose everything he has, how many of the women he fucks will still stay around? (She prays that God continues to bless him. How many of the women he fucks do that?) Would she be the only one? Is she the only woman like this with him/about him? Is she the only he fucks that surprises him with fruit baskets, candy, balloons and bears!? But who he screws is his business.What the hell with the comparisons between what she does for him and those other women he fucks with! Of course she doesn't appreciate him using the condoms she bought for them on other women, but whatever, guess it's not a big deal, if that's the case. She's just going to continue to think he's waiting on her for something..anything to keep the hope alive she guess.

He's not a snake in the grass... He's just a player. She seriously needs to always remember this.

In the meantime; She's going to be a good slave and do what he told her to do....