Love Hurt the Alphabet

All I desire is to be loved and cared for
Bound by compassion and tenderness, I need for a partner
Countless attempts at love, but none turns out
Drowning in my longing for a relationship, tires my heart out
Every exceptional quality I possess is unknown to a one that should hold them
Fiercely filled with care, its intense, but no one is interested to match it
Giving all that I can offer and give is my specialty
However, its always all given to the ones whom wish not to receive it
I'm going to give up and try not to care anymore
Just because every effort goes unnoticed
Keeping what drives me to give so unconditionally, will I never let go
Leaving what hurts me, I wish I could be able to let that go
Many times do I feel heartbroken
Never ending pain continues to take the wheel
Over and over, why haven't I learned how to hold back
Probably because I know I cannot afford to
Quite complicated I am so no one really have me matter inside of their own concerns
Rest assured this emotional mayhem must come to a halt
Stop giving when nothing is wanted
Time to revamp and change what causes me to hurt
U-turn my compassion for caring into feelings for not caring
Very important I must change to heal my own heart
What's been given, I now must try to give no more
X-ray my heart and you'll find it full of love to the core, no doubt
Yet, that love must remain hidden, and the care must cease
Zealous of my concern for others now must be burned!...

For the Alphabet was hurt by love

Home

Engraved into what always seems to be my living hell
Engrossed into what they have made my dungeon
Occupied by the blindness of passion
Obscure by the site of daunting love
What can be said to obtain reciprocity
Wonderings of when reciprocality will engage me
There is a lack in returns of solemnly actions and speech
Thither away from the one who needs it most
No stake in her from any form of live
None of her outward-bound compassions full circle around her
Hurt from the wounds of nothings
Haunted by what was always the lingering ghosts from my past
Pain is the picture painted on her heart
Paused to ever give anything anymore, but its not lived up too
Tears come. 
Tears are present.
Crying stays. 
Crying continuously moves in.
Brokenness is my tomb.
Brokenness will be her grave.
Drowning in emotions that loves and are bad
Dark thoughts because of the absences
Men are not past-timed with any part of my brain or heart
Men take sake of the lips that rests whats in between thighs
So,.. truancy of involvements is the flow she receives from wished uponed others
Stuffed and suffocated high caliber attentiveness is hostaged
Alone is her Home
Awol is my Home...

It Was to HIM...

I think the world of you and I think the best of you
I respect you and I look up to you
Don't know why I'm so fond of you
Don't know why I sometimes have a fear of you
You make me feel good and you also make me feel bad
You cause me to overload with joy and you cause me to drown in hurt
Can't explain the confusion I bask in
Can't reach your enclosed thoughts
I think so highly of you. I have reverence for you.
I hope and wish the best for you. I pray for you.
Words can't explain what goes on in my heart and in my mind
(My) Words can't penetrate into your atmosphere
My actions didn't support me enough
My actions can't sustain your attention
You are a highlight of my life, yet at the same time, you are a lingering dark shadow
You have patience like a rock. You have a calmness as a breeze
I verbalize my sentiments. I utter my position.
I don't know if I matter. I don't know if I weigh in your existence.
The doorway to your heart is sealed shut for me. The doorway to your mind is stamped closed for me

The access to your intentions are clouded. The entry to your purpose is blurred
The strength and the metier you possess when you satisfy me is ineffable
The potency of your libido induces me to climax in numerable ways
Countless various ways expressing my innermost thoughts and feelings, yet, no recognition
Countless requests for my favors mostly fulfilled, yet, mostly not even a little feedback

Think of me as a whore is claimed to be not so.; but a wholesome woman is unannounced

Think of me as a person with potential to capture your substance or a person of no value to you, the latter seems evident in my world

Never would I have thought you would influence me to scribble down written word in such a beautiful manner

Never would I have thought you would give me a purpose to express myself this way to you, even with my fears

The muscular organ that pumps blood to function is lightless, it's heavy because of this

The muscular organ that God looks at and knows is screaming for you, but He is strengthening it because of this.
I appreciate your stance, you never blew me away

I appreciate your patience, how long can you continue to tell me to "relax"

You know my thoughts, feelings and desire, my words and actions are one in the same

You don't want me to know your thoughts, feelings and desire, your words and actions are two different things

I'm close to learning not to expect. I'm close to learning what I've known all along

I'm not in denial, never have been. I'm not stupid, I'm just consistent

Forgive me, it takes a while for me to drop hope. Forgive me, I'm persistent in sharing all of what I have even when it goes behind your display

Thank you for presence in my life. Thank you for having me in yours.

 

(12/12/12)