I'm Battling

The heart wants what the heart wants
But my body is aching to have him
Tears flow down my face because I can't give into my flesh
I choose to honor God with my body, to give it to him, for in his cleanness I am dressed
But oh how he knows that I'm fighting within myself to not go against him
So I hope and pray that He sees my commitment to him and is pleased
And I ask God to give me rest and if I am rejected, to release and heal
the pain in my heart with ease
This brings me to tears because I want this man in every way
And at the same time I'm battling because my job is to please God from day to day
In the back of my mind I think to myself he isn't interested anyway
There's something about actions that gives the silence away
I just want to say fuck it and let's just get married just so when can have sex
That's a bit crazy and extreme but I want it from him only, there's no one that's close to next
So how long will this battle continue, that I don't know
But this situation will have to reveal its end, but to him I wouldn't want to let him go
I'm so torn and afflicted but I don't want him to say no because of what this is doing to me
I don't want him to say no because of what I'm going through, like he wants to make things easy
The battle will be over and all this will be over and done
Whatever happens either way, I just hope that my heart for him is won