BDSM: How I See It

I don't like the dirty looks I get when talking about my interests in bdsm. I really don't share with everyone I speak with about this particular affinity of mine. It makes me feel bad and it makes me feel sad when someone looks at me in a weird way after telling them I like bdsm. I feel violated, those that frown upon it makes me feel as if something is wrong with me. Okay, so some people know my secret. It doesn't make me bad person. I'm used to being called a "weirdo", because everyone has always called me that; even when meeting someone new. Yes, I'm weird, but don't judge me. There's a safe and healthy way with participating in bdsm. And before you get to judging me, for you information, I have only participated in only a few acts of bdsm, the rest is all fantasy and wishful, hopeful thinking. The things I talk about while describing such acts, yes they are things that I will like to experience. Some things I have already did without the bdsm factors (such as compromising positions without all the torture and abuse, whips and chains). I have gotten my feet wet with this, and I attend on doing a lot more. Don't try to make me feel uncomfortable because of this. You wouldn't want anyone looking down on you because of your secrets...now would you?

How does BDSM make you feel when you hear someone mention it? What do you think about it? Is it bad? Is it something you would try? Why do you think its so weird and or nasty/filthy? Does something has to be wrong with someone because they like to talk about it or participate in it? Let's break it down to see what it is... In its most basic nature...

BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism
~Bondage is when you are restraining your partner (or vise versa). Or it can be the act of just restraining a particular body part (like breast bondage, wrist bondage, ankle bondage..etc)

~Discipline is just the restraining with the use of rules and punishment. (Punishment can be any kind of pain being afflicted... Whatever you like! Break the rules, and that's twenty hits with a Flogger. Whatever you and your partner come up with.

~Dominance is when one partner exercises control over the other, similar to (Sadomasochism one who enjoys afflicting sexual pain)

~Submission one who is submissive, consensually gives up all control to their "Master" (the dominant partner); slave

~Sadism (as mentioned with Dominance) Practitioners of sadomasochism usually seek out sexual gratification from the acts of afflicting pain

~Masochism (the opposite of Sadism) this is me. I am a Masochist, one who enjoys receiving pain, sexually. Subset of BDSM - S&M, yeah that Rhianna song! I was into this way before that record came along! S&M is usually just role-playing

You also have you TOP, the person doing the action, and the BOTTOM, person who receives. Not to be confused with Dominate and Submissive. There are things like "Pup-Play"(similar to "Animal Play", where the submissive slave acts like a puppy, whines, eats and drinks from a doggy bowl, growls etc, all for sexual gratification. There is "Tease and Denial", (similar to Erotic Sexual Denial) which is making the other person stay aroused while delaying or preventing sexual intercourse or resolution of the feelings, its keeping them in a continual state of anticipatory tension. So basically its heightening ones (sexual) sensitivity. You also have "Knife Play" and "Gun play", a fear of weapons is crucial in playing the part in stimulating the Submissive. The Knife Play serves as a slow, methodical form of stimulation, usually not breaking/cutting the skin, to the Sub. The Gun Play serves as a stimulate to the Sub as well. I have experienced the Gun Play, I will love to experience the Knife Play. "Breath Control" is when the Dom controls the Sub's breathing, this too is something I will like to do. "Impact Play" is my favorite; This involves the use of floggers, riding crops, whips, paddles, and etc. "Bondage" is my favorite as well (as mentioned above). I've been handcuffed before. I've been zip tied before. I would like to do the whole body bondage and ankle bondage as well. And I will like to be Hogtied. "Consensual non-consent" is something I want to do when I want to do the "Rape Fantasy/Ravishment" (which is consensual play rape). The Consensual non-consent is an agreement of consent given without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned; with a clear, safe and set limits are placed on the activities. This is describe as partners who deeply trust and understand each other, and knows each other extremely well. Only when you have a relationship such as that, you should participate in BDSM and any of its activities,
             The play-rape is the only thing that I would ever feel bad about. Why? Because I know there are women being out there in the world that has been raped, and it happens everyday. So how dare I want to make it into a game? Yes, I feel bad about wanting to engage in such a fantasy. Even with that being my thoughts, I cant help but to still want it. I had a partner that I could trust, however we no longer can see each other. So it's not going to happen anytime soon. I just hope when I find the one for me, that he wouldn't mind this and I hope he doesn't freak out about this either. I need this in my life.

So, here you have it. Am I sick for liking sexual pain? Okay, I will admit that it is a little unorthodox, but no harm as long you have a willing and trusting partner. That is all it really takes. Oh and of course a Safe Word!

A guy "friend" once asked me why am I into bdsm, how did I get into it. Well, since being molested when I was 7, I grew up feeling all types of weird sexual feelings. I guess the older I got, the more it made sense that pain and sex goes together. I blame my affinity of BDSM on me being molested as a child. I got used to the abuse that I experienced back then, and I grew up with it. I was submissive when I was 7 years old when that happened, so it's only right and fair that I be submissive now when involved in sexual activities. I don't mind it, and I know what my predator did wasn't right and I don't have to be involved in bdsm because of that, but its a part of me now. I enjoy it. I embrace it. I like it. I won't stop. Credit to bdsm videos that I have been exposed to, and various social media outlets that have spread such content so freely. And also to my dark past that I lived. Some things from the past just mold and shape you into who you are when you get older, or at least parts of you. Will I do this for the rest of my life, well, I don't know. All I can say is that I am not ready to stop, or quit right now. There is a lot more that I want to do with this!


 How do you see it?