How X Feels

Sex makes me feel good, but it also makes me feel bad
Sex makes me cry, but it also makes me smile

It feeds my longing, but it also starves my soul
It feeds my feelings, but it also deprives my emotions

When I engage in it, my heart becomes extremely heavy
When I engage in it, my mind becomes exceedingly weak

After it's over my being feels unreal
After it's over I feel unbecomingly

I incure emptiness and brokenness more deepened every time I use my body
I incure voidance and uncompleteness more vividly every time I use my body

Already shattered, sex fractures me
Already fragmented, sex damages me

Why do what causes so much pain? It's a learned experience
Why continue to do what results in affliction? It's a childhood disease grown

My ways are to submit to a man, it is what I am lettered to do
My ways are to accede to what a man wants from me, it is what I have been tutored to do

Sex is my reminded continued confirmation that molestation existed
Sex is my reminded ongoing substantiation that molestation is wrong in its nature

It steals my happiness, it clones bliss
It steals my peace of mind, it clones calmness...

Sex makes me feel good, but it also makes me feel bad
Sex makes me cry, but it also makes me smile
^This is how sex makes me feel, this can't be normal
^This is how sex makes me feel, I am sexually abnormal

It feeds my longing, but it also starves my soul
It feeds my feelings, but it also deprives my emotions
^The normalcy of the constant being of these sensations lives within me every day
^The normalcy of the functions experienced together, the sex and pain, arrives in me every time

When I engage in it, my heart becomes extremely heavy
When I engage in it, my mind becomes exceedingly weak
^The emotionally anguished affects of being abused is always present with my current encounters
^The sentimented distress affects of being assaulted is always occurring with my present encounters

Already shattered, sex fractures me
Already fragmented, sex damages me
^My past experience stole every thing away from me, my innocence was taken
^My past hurt and pain steals every bit of satisfaction from my current meetings, I think I'm trying to find my innocence....