Question: Would You?

If I text you my questions, would you answer them?
If I write you a letter, would you read it and write back?
If I called you over the phone to express my concerns, would you listen?
If I send you a gift, would you receive it and send something back?
If I drew a picture of what the inside of my mind looks like, would you call it art and love it?
If I write a poem and give it to you, would you decipher the meaning and say that my words are beautiful?
If I painted a mural of what's inside of my heart, would you not break it and take care of it?

If I were to love you with all of my heart, would you love me the same?
If I were to take care of you with all of my being, would you care for me in the same way?
If I can give you all that you would ever want and need, would you return the gratitude?
If I risked all that I had for you, would you risk for me?
If I sacrificed all that I am to be with you, would you sacrifice for me?
If I had to give up everything, would you appreciate my gesture and supply all that I've lost just to be with you?
Would you do for me, as I would do for you??
 

When It's Over

Thinking about him every day, my mind gets weak
Thinking about him every night, my heart grows heavy
Memories of him brings me to tears
Memories of him also brings me fears
Staying in my head, I relive every possible moment with him
Staying in my head, I replay future endeavors with him
Laying on my bed, I dream of encounters with him
Laying on my bed, I dream of us being together again

He's gone now and I wonder if he will ever return
He's gone now and I wonder if I will ever see him again
I'm still here, left suffering in hurt and pain
I'm still here, left behind with just...feelings
There will be a return, but it will not be the same
There will be a return, but he will not get what he seeks to regain..

Robot Sex

It felt like robot sex, just going through the motions
It felt like robot sex, just all the same routines
It felt like robot sex, the same thing over again.
He felt the same inside me. He did me the same.
I moaned the same. I clawed and grabbed him the same
It felt like robot sex; have we reached the end of our bed?
It felt like robot sex; has the fun and the intensity of our sex burn out?
It felt like robot sex; could we ever regain the desires of having sex with each other again?
I want it to be good again. I want it to be great again.
I want it to be rough again. I want it to be hard and raw again.
It was robot sex, the same pleasure
It was robot sex, a dull moment
It was robot sex, the same sexual regularity but satisfying
I want it to be new again. I want the passion back
I want it to be thrilling again. I want the freakiness back
He moaned the same. He did me the same. I said his name I like I always would do. I climaxed like he always made me do.
It was Robot Sex, it felt surreal.
It felt like Robot Sex, barely able to feel

In His Closet

I entered through his bedroom door and he lead me over to the bed
He stood behind me as his touched all over my body
Kisses he laid upon my neck and face as I grabbed onto his legs
Slowly taking my clothes off, he watched me undress
Laying across the bed, face down, he bounded my wrists
I played the victim, I plead "no", I plead "stop"
He grabbed my hair and slapped my face and he said to me "shut-up! You like this"
Not letting him get between my legs, I tried to keep them closed
He said "oh you want to play games!?"
He grabbed my ankles and dragged me onto the floor
I had no freedom, I had no escape
Putting his hands around my throat, he choked me so hard
Barely breathing, he taunted me
Demanding me to say his name, I wouldn't
He got up from on top of me, cut the rope from my wrists, he left me on the floor
He walked to the other side of the room and told me to "come here"
As I proceeded to stand, he said "no! crawl to me like you're a dog. crawl to me on all fours"
I had to obey him, I crawled to him
When I reached his feet, he patted me on the head and said "good girl"
He told me to "get on the bed", and I knew what was about to happen
Showing no mercy, he choked me and roughed sexed me
Then he became still.
Still choking me, he told me to "open your mouth"
I did slightly, he said "wider"
I did, he then spat in my mouth and told me to "swallow it", I did
Continuing with the rough sex and choking, he demanded me to say "I love you", I did
I had no choice but to tell him "you're the best. you're the best I ever had"
He kissed me and said "I thank you. I know it"
He bound my wrists again so I wouldn't fight him for what he was about to do next
Flipping over on my stomach, I knew what was about to happen
At the first feel of it, I tried to crawl away, it just hurts so bad
He pulled me back and told me to "stop fighting me! take it"
I had to woman up, so I took it
Screaming, crying and trying to do whatever I could to get him off of me, all my attempts were unsuccessful
Once in the grove, the pain subsided just a little bit, enough to where I could take it, but I still cried out
When it all was done, he told me to "get up", I did
Then he told me to "get down on your knees", I did
He then forced me into his closet, where he shut the door and locked it
I said  "let me out of here", he yelled "hell no! you're on punishment"
I tired to ask questions but he would say to me "shut the fuck up, be still, I'm not letting you out of the closet"
He fixed him something to eat, came to the closet door, opened it, and fed me like I was a dog
He kept me in his closet for two hours with me wrists still bounded behind my back
Every now and then he would open the door for sex, then leave again
Every now and then he would come in the closet and abuse me, slapping me or whipping me
Finally letting me out of his closet, it was time for round two
Round two was much like round one, but with a little more dirty talk
When that ended, he put me in his closet for the last time
Once in his closet, he did me again
In the dark,
In his closet...

In his closet

BDSM: How I See It

I don't like the dirty looks I get when talking about my interests in bdsm. I really don't share with everyone I speak with about this particular affinity of mine. It makes me feel bad and it makes me feel sad when someone looks at me in a weird way after telling them I like bdsm. I feel violated, those that frown upon it makes me feel as if something is wrong with me. Okay, so some people know my secret. It doesn't make me bad person. I'm used to being called a "weirdo", because everyone has always called me that; even when meeting someone new. Yes, I'm weird, but don't judge me. There's a safe and healthy way with participating in bdsm. And before you get to judging me, for you information, I have only participated in only a few acts of bdsm, the rest is all fantasy and wishful, hopeful thinking. The things I talk about while describing such acts, yes they are things that I will like to experience. Some things I have already did without the bdsm factors (such as compromising positions without all the torture and abuse, whips and chains). I have gotten my feet wet with this, and I attend on doing a lot more. Don't try to make me feel uncomfortable because of this. You wouldn't want anyone looking down on you because of your secrets...now would you?

How does BDSM make you feel when you hear someone mention it? What do you think about it? Is it bad? Is it something you would try? Why do you think its so weird and or nasty/filthy? Does something has to be wrong with someone because they like to talk about it or participate in it? Let's break it down to see what it is... In its most basic nature...

BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism
~Bondage is when you are restraining your partner (or vise versa). Or it can be the act of just restraining a particular body part (like breast bondage, wrist bondage, ankle bondage..etc)

~Discipline is just the restraining with the use of rules and punishment. (Punishment can be any kind of pain being afflicted... Whatever you like! Break the rules, and that's twenty hits with a Flogger. Whatever you and your partner come up with.

~Dominance is when one partner exercises control over the other, similar to (Sadomasochism one who enjoys afflicting sexual pain)

~Submission one who is submissive, consensually gives up all control to their "Master" (the dominant partner); slave

~Sadism (as mentioned with Dominance) Practitioners of sadomasochism usually seek out sexual gratification from the acts of afflicting pain

~Masochism (the opposite of Sadism) this is me. I am a Masochist, one who enjoys receiving pain, sexually. Subset of BDSM - S&M, yeah that Rhianna song! I was into this way before that record came along! S&M is usually just role-playing

You also have you TOP, the person doing the action, and the BOTTOM, person who receives. Not to be confused with Dominate and Submissive. There are things like "Pup-Play"(similar to "Animal Play", where the submissive slave acts like a puppy, whines, eats and drinks from a doggy bowl, growls etc, all for sexual gratification. There is "Tease and Denial", (similar to Erotic Sexual Denial) which is making the other person stay aroused while delaying or preventing sexual intercourse or resolution of the feelings, its keeping them in a continual state of anticipatory tension. So basically its heightening ones (sexual) sensitivity. You also have "Knife Play" and "Gun play", a fear of weapons is crucial in playing the part in stimulating the Submissive. The Knife Play serves as a slow, methodical form of stimulation, usually not breaking/cutting the skin, to the Sub. The Gun Play serves as a stimulate to the Sub as well. I have experienced the Gun Play, I will love to experience the Knife Play. "Breath Control" is when the Dom controls the Sub's breathing, this too is something I will like to do. "Impact Play" is my favorite; This involves the use of floggers, riding crops, whips, paddles, and etc. "Bondage" is my favorite as well (as mentioned above). I've been handcuffed before. I've been zip tied before. I would like to do the whole body bondage and ankle bondage as well. And I will like to be Hogtied. "Consensual non-consent" is something I want to do when I want to do the "Rape Fantasy/Ravishment" (which is consensual play rape). The Consensual non-consent is an agreement of consent given without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned; with a clear, safe and set limits are placed on the activities. This is describe as partners who deeply trust and understand each other, and knows each other extremely well. Only when you have a relationship such as that, you should participate in BDSM and any of its activities,
             The play-rape is the only thing that I would ever feel bad about. Why? Because I know there are women being out there in the world that has been raped, and it happens everyday. So how dare I want to make it into a game? Yes, I feel bad about wanting to engage in such a fantasy. Even with that being my thoughts, I cant help but to still want it. I had a partner that I could trust, however we no longer can see each other. So it's not going to happen anytime soon. I just hope when I find the one for me, that he wouldn't mind this and I hope he doesn't freak out about this either. I need this in my life.

So, here you have it. Am I sick for liking sexual pain? Okay, I will admit that it is a little unorthodox, but no harm as long you have a willing and trusting partner. That is all it really takes. Oh and of course a Safe Word!

A guy "friend" once asked me why am I into bdsm, how did I get into it. Well, since being molested when I was 7, I grew up feeling all types of weird sexual feelings. I guess the older I got, the more it made sense that pain and sex goes together. I blame my affinity of BDSM on me being molested as a child. I got used to the abuse that I experienced back then, and I grew up with it. I was submissive when I was 7 years old when that happened, so it's only right and fair that I be submissive now when involved in sexual activities. I don't mind it, and I know what my predator did wasn't right and I don't have to be involved in bdsm because of that, but its a part of me now. I enjoy it. I embrace it. I like it. I won't stop. Credit to bdsm videos that I have been exposed to, and various social media outlets that have spread such content so freely. And also to my dark past that I lived. Some things from the past just mold and shape you into who you are when you get older, or at least parts of you. Will I do this for the rest of my life, well, I don't know. All I can say is that I am not ready to stop, or quit right now. There is a lot more that I want to do with this!


 How do you see it?

No Title to Describe the Love for Someone

I love this man with every part of my being
But I understand that he is not worth keeping
Almost ten years of knowing him
However, then again, I really didn't know him.
He never cared about me
I never mattered to him
He never was concerned for me
I never interest him
It was only out of convenience when he would give me attention
It was only when he wanted what he wanted he'd give me a mention
My heart still loves him a lot.
My mind still thinks of him a lot.
Asked the question would he care if I died
He said that would hurt him, to never talk like that, is what he replied
So he cared enough for me only when I would perish
Not even being there for me in the past or now, he couldn't even cherish
Stepping out on his relationship, he wanted me
Not being faithful to her, to get what he wanted from me
Mentioned to me after this encounter, we couldn't have sex anymore
Stated to me he couldn't cheat anymore
He has a girlfriend and I have to leave him alone
He has a girlfriend and I have to leave for good and be gone
It was claimed that we really are or were friends
But it was only when he wanted to do what he did to me that I became a friend
I love him so much, and this all so bad hurts
I care about him so much, but my acquaintance with him I must desert
All that time I told him how I felt about him,..for five years!
All this time he was never going to give me what I wanted, and he knew it, playing me, and this brings me to tears
Now, he's with someone, and I wouldn't dare to wait
He's with her now, hoping for something with us later, I can't await
It makes me think and wonder, what was wrong with me, why wasn't I good enough
Now having to pick up the broken pieces of my heart to move on and forget is going to be tough
I just want him back so bad, but he makes me feel like a bad person
I just want to be with him so bad, but I have to stop lingering in this or my pain is going to worsen
Building the courage to stay away even if he comes back
Burying my life in God so that if he should return my persistence in staying away won't lack
As I look to God, he is all I have, and can be the only one to heal my heart
I'm committing my ways to him, and leaving that guy alone, so I'm doing my part
I wonder if this man will ever realize how much I love, care, and feel about him
I wonder if this man will ever understand how much I would have been there for him, giving him everything, just to take care of him
He has been the only guy that I ever wanted to be with, I can't see myself with anyone else
It's overdo for me to let got now because someone out there is better, I deserve someone else
But, oh well, all is done and gone for now, all this must be lost
If he should ever come to me again, I'm going to have to ignore, for me, his accost
I want to say I'm sorry, I always want to apologize
However, I'm not the one who should be saying it, my love for him he refused to recognized..

Jail Cell

Put me in a jail cell and lock me up
Handcuff me and don't let me go
Put me in a jail cell and make me feel uncomfortable
Handcuff my wrists to the bars
Rip my clothes off and coke me
Strip my clothes off and squeeze my neck
I'm in prison therefore I am your prisoner
I'm in prison therefore you are my Master
I've been bad, so punish me
I've be corrupted, so abuse me
Take out your club and hit my body with it
Take out your club and 'you know what' me with it
Blindfold me and do something with me
Blindfold me so that I'm in darkness when you make my body chill
Gag me with your utility belt so no one can hear my screams
Gag me with your belt so I won't be able to tell you to stop
Take a sheet and tie my body to the jail cell bars
Take a sheet and tie my legs to the jail cell bars
Once bound, torture me
Once bound, abuse me
Release me from the bars but, lock me up to the bed
Release all gags, ties and handcuff me to the bed
On the jail cell bed, lying face up you handcuff my ankles and wrists to the bed posts
Tie my wrists to the bed above my head
Tie my wrists tight so I won't be able to fight back
Look me into my eyes and call me a filthy name as you have your way with me
Look me into my eyes and call me whatever you want as you do whatever you want to me
You're done, for now, playing BDSM in this Jail Cell game
You're finished, for now, in our "this should stay secret" Jail Cell fantasy